Spare the rod, spoil the child

(Caution: This post is not what you think.)

Growing up the son of a protestant preacher, I often heard interesting quotes and received biblical advice at what I thought were inopportune times. For instance, my mom would paraphrase Proverbs 13:24 by saying “spare the rod, spoil the child” usually as my backside was warming up from discipline. How odd, I would think, for her to cite biblical premise to relax discipline while delivering the same. It wasn’t until I bothered reading the scripture myself that I learned I was misinterpreting her the whole time.

But how true is that single proverb for almost every circumstance in life? We have more than one generation that grew up under “creative” disciplinary guidance. Starting with Staats’ personal family research in the late 1950’s, corporal punishment (i.e., spanking) began to fall out of favor with clinical psychologists who preferred more civil, less base acts of discipline. Still nearly seventy years later we continue to debate spanking vs. time outs. I think society in general has decided, for the time being, to let parents decide how to best discipline their children. Standing in a Walmart most days, I wonder if it’s working.

But what does the actual proverb say?

“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” (NIV)

“He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” (New American Standard)

There are dozens of biblical translations but they all sound similar. But what is God telling us?

Let’s examine a simple hypothetical situation. Bobby’s mom promised him a toy if he behaved while she was grocery shopping. During the trip, Bobby pulled boxes off the shelves, tossed food into the cart that he wanted without asking mom, and screamed when mom put him in the cart thereby limiting his access. Now Bobby is crying, he wants his toy that mom promised him, and mom has to decide how to handle his behavior. Should she leave her cart and take Bobby outside, weakening the effect of his poor behavior, or should she apply hand to bottom immediately giving Bobby “something to cry about”?

It’s a parental decision, and not an easy one. Proverbs intones the latter, but Staats’ research wasn’t available to King Solomon.

Ok, let’s throw a twist in the mix. Bobby is misbehaving, but mom doesn’t want to delay her business by removing Bobby from the store and she’s afraid she’ll offend people around her if she spanks him in public. She votes against taking him to the bathroom for discipline, again delaying her business, so she gives him a toy as positive reinforcement for anticipated improved behavior. Who thinks Bobby will throw a fit every time to get the toy? (If you don't know, ask any parent with kids older than 3.)

I'll simply say King Solomon's wisdom still rings true today, and despite our best intentions, the proverb carries considerable weight.

(Stop reading if you don’t like surprises. My apologies that my first post of 2018 turns political.)

Now apply this scenario to California. (Yes I went there.) Several cities in the state have voted in local ordinances or laws forbidding support of federal immigration enforcement and have taken positions as “Sanctuary Cities.” Further, the courts prevent the Federal Government from withholding federal aid because California’s current activism wasn’t included as a limiting factor when the bill was written. However, California’s use of sanctuary laws also wasn’t established at writing of the aid bills. Just recently the state’s legislature passed laws that were signed by the governor and became effective on the first of the year supporting undocumented persons and their rights to seek better lives in the United States. (Note: “illegal” aliens are not afforded rights under the Constitution – hence California’s insistence on the term “undocumented persons”) These laws coincide with passage of a law legalizing marijuana as a recreational drug also in direct conflict with federal laws. Of course, California predicts up to $1 billion in tax revenue from marijuana sales. (Maybe they should talk to Colorado?)

Yet, the California legislature and Gov. Jerry Brown requested $4.4 billion in federal disaster relief funds following that state’s wildfire season.

It seems to me if we apply simple logic, Bobby (California) is going to continue his pattern of disobedience since he knows mom (Federal Government) will give him the toy (Federal Funds) in hopes he’ll stop acting up (Sanctuary!). So it makes sense if our Federal Government really loves the people of California, then we should hold them accountable for their own actions. Sparing the rod, so to speak, will simply encourage further spoiled behavior.(Yes, I just called California a spoiled brat.)

Is it me, or is it just amazing how the Bible pertains to nearly everything we do in life?

(Photo courtesy of: http://www.visualistan.com/2014/12/the-science-of-corporal-punishment.html)