Gabriel's Story - January 6, 2020

Gabriel awoke at his usual time on Sunday morning to a burgeoning sunrise and a chill in the air. The middle of winter in the Ten Cities region was a mixed bag, with Mother Nature seeming more like a psychopath suffering from multiple personality disorder than a caring steward of the climate. In just the last week, the Ten Cities had seen torrential rainfall and near-tropical temperatures on Monday followed by a flash freeze and black ice by Tuesday night. By Thursday, Lake Charles was frozen solid and the hard freeze so soon after heavy rains caused havoc with landslides and general land upheaval. As the Ten Cities municipalities teams shifted into winter mode, they were graced with find clear skies and moderate temperatures by the weekend. As a result, Gabriel felt that too familiar tickle in the back of his throat when he lay down last night. And as he could have predicted, he awoke to a full-bore cough and scratchy sore throat. He rolled over onto his back, felt a burning in his chest when he coughed, and curled up under the blanket to ride it out. He wasn’t making church this morning.

Gabriel’s eyes shot open to the sound of his doorbell. A quick glance toward the clock gave him an idea of who was at the door – it was 1:15 on Sunday afternoon. He coughed, climbed out of bed, and grabbed the navy blue robe from the back of his bedroom door before heading to the foyer. He took a peek through the foyer window and found Pastor Sean standing there in his shorts suit, the weak winter sun glinting off his titanium shins. He wasn’t even wearing a coat.

The reason for Sean’s temperate dress hit Gabriel square in the face when he opened the door. It had to be at least sixty degrees with an uncharacteristically warm breeze. Gabriel immediately started sweating and peeled quickly out of his robe as he extended a tissue-clad hand forward.

“Afternoon, Pastor.”

He missed the reluctance in Sean’s mannerisms as the Pastor reached in and shook his hand. “Good afternoon, Gabriel. We missed you at church again and I wanted to stop by and make sure everything is ok.” Sean took a quick squirt of what Gabriel knew was antibacterial cream and rubbed his hands thoroughly, stepping into the foyer and out of the odd winter heat. “I see it’s not.”

“Yeah, sorry for not sending a text or something, but when I woke up this morning I wasn’t feeling so great. I just rolled back over and fell asleep.” Gabriel closed the door and offered Sean a chair in the front living room – the same room they always met in – the same room from where Gabriel had witnessed pure evil for the first time. “Sorry for my appearance. The doorbell woke me so I just got up.”

The two sat and exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes, interrupted only by Gabriel’s occasional reach for a tissue to blow his nose. Gabriel asked about the service and Sean was quick to oblige. He learned the sermon was about withstanding trials even when you are the cause of the pain. He preached out of Romans chapter 8 and 1 Corinthians chapter 8, each of which Gabriel knew by heart as two “empowerment” chapters. He was sorry he missed the sermon.

“So, what’s going on, Gabriel?” Sean’s words carried an undertone that Gabriel understood meant there was more than just a cold keeping him from service. To Sean’s credit he didn’t make any accusation, instead leaving the question open for Gabriel to interpret.

Instead of answering truthfully, Gabriel deflected. “This cold hit me hard is all. I kind of expected to just have a sore throat this morning, but still be able to make it to church. It sounds like I missed another good one.”

Sean sat patiently waiting for Gabriel to say more. He just stared out the window and sipped the hot tea he had made at the start of their conversation. “There’s more to it.” He moved to the edge of his seat.

“This cold just hit, but you missed Wednesday night’s service, Sunday night you were there but distracted, and you pushed hard against telling the prayer group about your visions.” He sat back in his chair. Gabriel shifted uncomfortably. “Did I overstep last week?”

He couldn’t avoid the confrontation now. Gabriel admitted to himself that he was upset last Sunday, but it had grown into something more. He didn’t miss Wednesday’s Bible study, he skipped it. And he didn’t think twice this morning about rolling over and going back to bed. He had to admit his attitude had changed. He was in a bad place.

Gabriel stood with his tea in hand and walked over to the window. He looked out at his neighborhood. Kids tossed ball. His neighbor down the street was washing his car. He could see birds frolicking about, pecking at clumps of dirt for bugs to eat. This same neighborhood posed innumerable threats that Gabriel could neither see right now nor ignore. And that scared him.

“I can’t do this, Sean.”

“Can’t do what, Gabriel? Can’t talk to me?” Sean stood and eased towards the window.

“No, I know I can talk to you.” Gabriel turned his head to face Sean. “I can’t know what I know and pretend that everything’s okay.”

Sean let the silence stoke Gabriel’s flame.

“I mean, I’ve always had these visions, that doesn’t bother me. But everything’s changed now, you know. Before…” he put his hand on the window “…well, before Abaddon breathed his stinky breath on my window, God and Satan, angels and demons, well that was all a concept, you know. But to see the battle of good and evil taking place right in front of me and be powerless to both sides is just insane. I mean, why…”

“What do you mean powerless to both sides?” Sean cut him off.

It took Gabriel a second to process through what he wanted to say. The room was silent as he did. He took his hand down from the living room window and put it in his pajama pocket. “Look, just last year I was ignorant to any of this. And I was happy! Now I walk around wondering which corner the next demon is going to pop around or when an angel is going to show up and suffocate me with his light.” He ran his fingers through his rapidly graying hair. “I mean, I really preferred not knowing I was a pawn in some cosmic chess match between good and evil. And I have to say it seems like sometimes neither side really has my best interest at heart.”

Sean was taken back a bit by Gabriel’s passion and the revelation that he felt he had been “attacked” by an angel. Frankly, he didn’t know how to handle that perception, since angels had always been his allies, never having confronted him, only supported him.

“Wait, you said you were attacked by an angel?”

Gabriel’s eyes lit up. He hadn’t realized that’s how he felt until Sean said it out loud. “Yes. In your office last week.”

“Before or after our conversation with the prayer team?”

“During, Sean. That’s what I’m saying. Right in the middle of your talk, right after you told the group that we could see and talk to angels and demons. Gabriel – the angel – showed up and…” remembering how he couldn’t breathe during the event, Gabriel held his hand to his throat, “I couldn’t breathe, Sean.”

“What did he say?” Sean grabbed Gabriel’s arm more forcefully than he had ever done before. “Exactly.”

Gabriel flashed back to last Sunday and recounted in explicit detail everything that happened. He started with his objection, the Angel Gabriel’s arrival, his collapse and subsequent touching by Gabriel’s sword, and then the warning. “‘Your fear does not make you unworthy, Gabriel, but it does complicate the coming choice.’ And I have no idea what choice he’s talking about, when I’ll have to make it, what it’ll mean…”

“Hey, wait. You mean you didn’t see the angel in your office last week?” Gabriel just realized Sean was hearing about the confrontation for the first time. He was there, in the room, but he didn’t see the Angel. Before now, every time Gabriel and Sean were together, Sean could see what Gabriel was seeing. It wasn’t the converse, however. Gabriel couldn’t always see what Sean was seeing. But the Angel Gabriel’s appearance in Sean’s office last Sunday was apparently the first time Sean hadn’t been able to see.

“No, but he wasn’t there for me. He was there for you and you alone.” Sean walked over to the chair. “Let’s sit down.”

Not realizing Sean wanted him seated for the bad news, Gabriel looked longingly out his front window, thinking of a simpler time. After a few seconds he sighed and sat. Sean grabbed Gabriel’s hands and held them. It was a bit uncomfortable, but he allowed it, knowing by the look on Sean’s face that he was terribly troubled.

“Now I want you to listen carefully to what I’m about to say. We can work though this, but only if you understand exactly what I’m going to tell you, ok?”

“Sure, Sean. I’m listening.”

“You already made the choice. Right there, in my study, when you objected to my telling the prayer team about the visions, you made the choice. You chose to listen to your fear instead of trusting in God’s power, Gabriel.”

“But…”

“No, let me finish.” Sean didn’t let Gabriel interrupt. “Everyday we make choices. Most of them are benign and lead to another choice or have temporary consequences. But sometimes, not very often, but sometimes we’re faced with choices that have a lasting impact.” He stuck his left leg out and tapped his titanium shin. “I made a choice not to wait for EOD to clear the route. It doesn’t matter that my intention was to save a soldier who was badly wounded. It doesn’t even matter that I had no way of knowing the mine was buried in my path. It doesn’t even matter that the soldier was going to die no matter what choice I made. I made a choice. And that choice carries with it today a lasting reminder, scars that will never heal, pain from limbs that I don’t even have anymore, Gabriel, that choice had a lasting impact on the rest of my life.”

“Okay.” Gabriel was trying to follow, but he didn’t understand the point.

“You made a choice in my study last week to listen to your fear, not to trust God’s power. Fear may be a liar, Gabriel, but it’s a good one. Now, most of the time we fall prey to fear, then we grow and overcome that fear. But sometimes fear is a test, a test God uses to reveal to us what is truly in our hearts.” He paused.

“God makes us afraid?”

“No, that’s not what I said. God doesn’t send the fear, He uses it. You see, you were already in Fear’s grip. God sent Gabriel – the Angel – to warn you that a choice was coming. He already knew the answer you were going to give, but He wanted you to be aware of it, as a waypoint in your faith. You will never forget the day you chose fear over faith.”

“Well, not now I won’t, but if you hadn’t said it that way I never would have known.” Gabriel wasn’t sure if he should argue or use it as a teachable moment for himself.

“Gabriel, it’s teachable moments like this that God uses to grow us in the faith. He made you and He’s seen your future. But He needs you to grow into that future. Never facing your fears, never failing at faith, you’ll never know how to trust when the big challenges come. Giving into your fear over something as inconsequential as telling a faithful group of prayer warriors about your supernatural encounters really doesn’t matter. I mean, your objection didn’t change anything about what I was going to say and it didn’t affect their belief in me or in God, or even in you,” he put his finger in Gabriel’s chest, “one iota. It only matters to you – and only because you needed that waypoint for some big choice in the future when giving into fear will matter.”

“So, you’re saying this test was a controlled failure at an inconsequential waypoint to prepare me to succeed when it really matters?”

“Yes. Exactly.” Sean smiled.

Gabriel sat back and sighed, then shrugged his shoulders. “Wow. Never before have I been so relieved to be a failure.”

Both laughed, but inside, fear started welling up inside Gabriel once more. Then what choice is God really preparing me for? He thought.

“One that will change your generation,” his inner voice answered.