Servant Leadership: Disappointment

Let me start by saying that any Servant Leader who is in a position to make an impact is also in a position to face disappointment and failure. Success and failure go hand-in-hand. In fact, I think most readers would agree that for many, disappointment and failure seem to visit much more often than success and victory.

What is disappointment, really? The Oxford Dictionary defines disappointment as “sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.” (Various other dictionaries give the functionally useless definition of ‘act of disappointing’ or ‘state of being disappointed.’ I was disappointed with their definitions.)

Unlike other dictionaries, Oxford does a good job of breaking it down. Disappointment requires expectation or hope. Servant leaders who face disappointment do so because we or someone we had pinned our hopes on failed to meet expectations. Before someone says the key to avoiding disappointment is to lower expectations, that’s not what this is about. Lowering expectations is not the answer. How do we, as servant leaders, deal with our own disappointment as well as that of our co-workers, subordinates, or even those in charge of us?

The first two steps are inextricably tied. We need to recognize that God has a plan and accept that His plan may include failure and disappointment as a teaching tool, but that even in disappointment, He is still God.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Rom 8:28, NIV)

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7, NIV)

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, NIV)

The next step is to realize that disappointment, like regret, is a good feeling. I don’t mean good like hot coffee on a cold morning, but good like an accurate response. Disappointment means you have goals, a target, and an expectation of meeting it. If someone feels disappointment, then he or she is striving for better performance or higher standards. Usually, that’s a good thing.

Once we realize that disappointment is a good tool, we can then put it into context. Digest the cause(s) of disappointment. What happened that was unexpected? What action, obstacle, or factor made us miss our goal? What could we (or another person) have done differently to meet expectations instead of missing them? As a servant leader, we can use that context to build a new step in your or another’s development. Create a new tool to put in the leader’s toolbox.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” (1 Thes 5:11, NIV)

Remind yourself and others that disappointment isn’t the end result; rather, it is a useful step in the process of improvement.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God.” (Isa 43:2-3, NIV)

And then get back in there with your new tools and go after it again. If God has a plan (and He does have a plan [Jer 29:11]) then only you, servant leader, can stop you from eventually reaching His goal!

“…have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Rom 8:28-31, NIV)

(Photo: insider.com)