How are you, really?

How are you, really?

Don't you hate that question? I mean, if we, as servant leaders, are given the tiniest bit of leeway to use the word "hate," it should be in relation to inanimate things that just irk us to no end. I'll admit I have a short list. If you will allow me to digress.

Utilize - believe it or not, this word tops my list. Nine times out of ten, "use" is a better word.

Tofu - I mean, does this gelatinous goo made from soy bean curd really need to exist?

Laziness - Is there really any other way to describe a self-centered, self-important, simply selfish person who chooses to have other people do his share of the work?

And finally, "How are you, really?"

This one just plain annoys me. I know, you may defend yourself by saying, "But I ask with a kind heart," or "I earnestly want to know how you are doing." The problem isn't in your intention, it is in your inference. By asking how I am, "really," you are inferring that to some degree I have lied to you or you expect me to lie about my condition. Why would I ever lie about how I am feeling or how I am doing? Clinical depression aside, what purpose would I have to mislead you about my condition? If I believe you truly care, (see how I turned that around on you?) then why would I ever not be forthcoming about how I'm feeling or doing?

As servant leaders, we should really try to understand from where the question originates before we answer. If someone is intoning that we may be misleading about our condition, it is likely because they feel the pressure to mislead about theirs. Someone who asks, "How are you, really?" likely is hiding some aspect of her own condition; therefore, she projects that lack of confidence or trust or a degree of vulnerability onto you as well. Maybe the culture at work has deteriorated to the point where the inquisitor believes everyone is "just getting by," or is "putting on airs." Honestly, the best way to answer that question is not with indignance, but with truth. Tell him how you are doing, really, and then take the time to listen. You just might give him the outlet he has been looking for to offload pressures unknown to you. Whenever someone asks that question, he might really be saying, "Can I tell you how I'm doing, really?"

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. -- 1 Peter 4:8-11, NIV

We have all been given the gift of listening. Servant leaders use that gift for the Kingdom.